Over the past many years of my now life I've always wanted a family. As I grew up and went through school I found many people I could have spend my life with. Some better than others for me and as I grew through College and my ego grew I can say I let more of the good ones go but that is why we learn I guess.
I eventually settled down and had Quinn and after a year or so that marriage ended. The divorced ruined me and starting over was not impossible but close. After even getting back on my feet and realizing the relationship was over and never fixable I even tried dating again. I then met Kayla who has been so amazing to me. She came into my and Quinn's life, she took her in and treated her like her own. She has helped raise her as well as work with my Ex. Quinn has grown to love her so much and through out the years we have been together Kayla and I have worked so hard when the odds were against us.
We discussed marriage and kids and finally just got married sooner than later. We didn't need a long engagement. We both knew what we wanted that was us. She told me she would marry me with or without kids.
The past sever years have tested us still and yesterday I just finally made the decision that I don't want anymore kids. We have had some very tiring weekends with Quinn that usually make us laugh and say hell no to kids. She was pretty good this weekend, she is beyond spoiled by her Mom and that will make her live difficult which I feel bad for her. However she gave Kayla such a hard time Saturday even Kayla said she was done and doesn't want any.
I talked to Kayla last night and she said she was fine with that. I told her if she ever wanted kids and I didn't she could leave me it was fine. I think a combination of Quinn just being a hard child because how her Mom does everything for her, the fact that I see my friends with their new babies and laugh saying better you than me. Also we just economically will never will be there, I pay my Ex to much to recover and we have our own house and debt to fill so even having a child would kill us financial. Day care is the biggest rip off and we will never afford it. I will admit how terrible it is there are people having 9 kids with 7 woman and I can't even have more than one because I have to be responsible and make sure bills are paid and my one child has a good life before having more. Guess that's how it goes.
I recently spoke to a friend about kids and asked him if he ever will have more. He told me honestly his two little ones were good and now that they are little ones he is just past the whole bottle and getting up stage. I can't lie, I don't think I can go back to getting up 8 times a night or changing diapers. It was 9 years ago and honestly it feels like forever.
The one big thing however is Kayla and I love our weekends off! When it is not our weekend to have Quinn we sleep in, rest just do whatever we want and it feels so good. There are some weekends Quinn drains us and we need that weekend off. I won't like when we visit people with kids and the kids are upset or crying or the parents look like they wanna run away, Kayla and I laugh and say, "Well we gotta go, no Quinn this weekend we're sleeping in!" It is funny I will admit. Now I am not saying we aren't having kids because of Quinn, however because of how she is being raised and I can't fix that it is a factor yest absolutely.
I will admit we may have them, but as of now it is looking very slim. Honestly right now I'm just to tired, poor and over kids to want or have them. However that might change somehow or day but at this point I just don't see it happening. Our lives will go on and Kayla told me that it doesn't matter and she will be with me kids or not. We have Quinn and for now that's all we need...
Always Remember,
You are Never alone...
Love,
Christopher
