A PROMISE I Made...An OATH I Took...

     Some people know what single parents go through, they also sometimes ask how I do it.   How do I work with my ex even if I feel I don't see Quinn as much as I honestly should because her Mom wont allow me.  How do single Dad's fight the struggle.  Well it isn't easy, there are some that get along so much better they split the kids easier and encourage them to be almost half and half.  With me it has gotten better, however my ex just feels she can't miss a thing with our daughter I feel.  Heck I even fight to see Quinn more on fathers day, she yet has let her spend the night and that's my day!  I feel like a criminal some day's.  Like this separation degree has bound my hands and I have to do what she says because I trusted her in the beginning.  Over the years it has improved we have worked together and if we talk we usually get by our differences. 

     However the struggle of still going to pick her up ever time even when I asked her if Kayla can on the way home from work because she is closer was denied or the fact that yes parents like I have to still see their Ex.  Most get off relationships easy, they don't deal with their Ex and don't care.  However parents the split up deal with the that other parent for ever.  Even when the child is grown two involved parents have to communicate about one thing or another it seems.  I think over the past year or so there were some difficult times.  I went through the divorce pretty easy and now looking back should have honestly fought a lot more.  Try this one on, after you have to move out of your home and a few years goes by there is a new guy in your home!  I didn't care he was with my Ex...  Here I was struggling while some new guy lived in the home a lot of my money and even families money put into hard work and time took to make nicer and a place to live.  Someone new comes in because you are forced out and they sell the home you helped build.  After they sold the house and moved to a, well huge one in a very well community it takes even more time to get used to...  (I do love my home and where I live though).  My ex can live on the whitest street if she wants id don't care, I live down from the hood and I love it!  Well don't think its bad, its a great area but I'm close to the city but I love all people so.

     However when you go and drop off a check and that money could have been used so desperately it isn't easy when you see the place you drop it off at.  Child support is something I believe in I do and pay it every time on time.  But when your ex and her new husband make well a few times over you it doesn't make it easy.  When their home is very new, big and filled with the newest amities like beautiful hard wood floors and granite counter tops while you are saving for some paint because all your money was in the last house, the one you were thrown out of, its hard...  

     When you know your daughter has so many more toys and stuff because they can afford it well its not a glass of cool water to swallow.  However I have been blessed, I have family that loves and helped me a good home and beautiful soon to be wife.  Quinn loves her room and our home when she stays with us.  One of the hardest parts is letting of the past, moving on and not caring.  The time, money and work you put in has gone and you have to let it go.  Like a cancer it will consume you and if you don't it will darken you and eventfully kill you... 

    So what do I do?  Well I have many supports like family, friends, Kayla, Quinn and even my bloggers and friends who read this and love me so much! (I love you too!)  Blogging does help a community of people you never met who support you and tell you to keep going and your doing a great job.  People that comment that my blog has helped them yet we never met...  Reading their stories and helping them, telling them you know how they feel and that your connection is deep on a level you don't need to be in person to tell them. 

     Above all this however there is one more thing, I made a promise and an oath.  A promise I will never break.  A promise to a small little person.  I promised he made when she was born no matter what I would be there, I would protect her at any cost and make her life the best one I can.  When it all fell apart and she became a product of a divorced family I keep the promise.  I kept pushing forward fighting and fighting never giving up even in my darkest hours.  When I would go to church alone in the dark and cry on the rail asking for answers, demanding them. 

     When I worked up to 70 hrs. a week with two jobs and barley ate.  I kept fighting because that's what we do.  We keep fighting, some animals give their lives to just see their young born.  There are some people that after birth won't even want to see their child...  It is a strange world I know but below is a picture I look at when some of the hardest times have come upon me.  I look at it and remember there was this little person looking back at me.  Pure innocence, love and new life. 

    

Looking and thinking please protect me because I can't protect myself...

Please feed me, cloth me, give me a home, teach me, punish me when I'm wrong and cheer when I'm right, laugh with me when I'm happy and cry with me when I'm in pain, protect me from life but let me spread my wings and fly, but most importantly... love me... 

Just love me for who I am..

Your Daughter...  

     So this was the PROMISE and OATH I took and will keep, that no matter how upset I was because her Mom wasn't working with me or sharing her more when she could, or seeing things like money you put into something gone or used by another.  I would love her I would support her and I would be there for her no matter what....

     We are parents and parents we shall be... 

Always remember...

YOU ARE NEVER ALONE...

Love,

Christopher