There is Always Hope...

     This past week it was Kayla and I anniversary of dating.  We have been together for 3 years now and it has been just wonderful.  She has taken Quinn and my self in for who we are and everything we offer.  I wanted to say Happy Anniversary and I love you so much!

     I wanted to post to my fellow readers who have or are going though a tough time in their lives.  If its a divorce, separation or breakup.  Being a single parent for me was scarier than anything I had done.  I was afraid of what was going on with the divorce and what would come.  I think I put to much trust in my ex which led to more pain.  I wanted to write however and say you will get though this.  I had many long nights of just the deepest thoughts one can have.  I felt like I was in a prison just without bars.  When the nights were quiet and long, thoughts set in.  Ones of guilt or despair.  As time went on I didn't feel there was hope, just work and the time I saw my daughter.  I kept busy but secretly went mad.  I felt at times I just lost it and was falling apart.  Never have I wrote or expressed this to many but there are others that need to know per they maybe feeling this way.

 

    A divorce they say is worse than a loss or death.  One might argue however they say that there is little to no closure with a divorce.  If you have kids you now have to work with this person for years to come.  If you don't get along how do you now work as a team for this child?  Many questions that honestly I don't have the answers for.  However I had many people there for me.  I tell all my readers going through times like this to seek out help and lean on others.  Sometimes I felt I just won't be able to make it.  Some day's were just to long and some nights to dark.  I lost significant weight and the toll of working so many hours was showing on me.  However over time you learn to fight and get back up.  Look up to those who know what you are going through and never bottle it up inside.  It's to strong to stay down.  You need to heal properly, even if you never fully heal.  

     What I also want to say is this will make you stronger, you will rebound and grow from this.  Are you ever going to be the same? Well it depends on how hard you were hit emotionally during the divorce and if you have kids keeping you close.  For me it's hard, I tell my wife all the time I feel I'm not the same.  I'm different or less romantic, maybe still cold inside in some areas or the fact that scar tissue never lets one heal.  Weather it be emotional or financial issues you have they can be very difficult to move past.  What I will say is you have to fight however.  If you have kids never give up on them and keep seeing them.  Showing them how much you love them and they will grow up and see your passion.  Sometimes I feel I just have to push and fight through the resentment but I have to or it will consume me.

     Don't let it consume you, find love and find someone who loves you.  Don't let your anger or pain never allow you to heal.  You maybe a different person but you will find someone who will love you for that.  I can't tell you how close I was to giving up on looking and then Kayla came.  I tell my self daily I just want this site to get out to those going through this ordeal so if you know anyone please get them here.  There is always hope even in our darkest hour...

Always Remember,
You are Never Alone...

Love,
Christopher