1) Welcome back to the single life!
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Saving: Saving the last of the three S’s that is so very important. If your on the end of the break up where you were left start saving. The first thing that is going to run through you mind is “I can’t believe it is happening”. It may take some time to set in. You have to try to get your head straight. If the person is as serious as they look its over… In my situation well, the house we lived in was hers and we weren’t married long so I knew I had to move out. My emotions were so high I didn’t think with my head will probably till now! But I went out still and spent money on it and things. She even at one point said you should save your money. The only thing I could think of was though to try to impress her. But it was over and she was ready in her mind for it. This section I can’t push hard enough but I can’t tell anyone how to feel. Many people told me to not spend anything unless it was part of the agreement of living there and things like that. Nope I didn’t listen.
5) To move or not to move that is the question…
I was told you have to treat a divorce like a death. You have to take it seriously. Express your emotions if that helps, cry, talk to people, and scream if you have to. How can someone put build a life with someone else, have a child then when it’s over expect to walk away or just say “Oh well, better luck next time”. Especially in the beginning, I get upset with anyone who gives another person a hard time about grieving from a divorce or separation. You have the right to feel hurt, betrayed, crushed even like your heart is just going to explode… Without getting into my experiences I will say yes in the beginning I felt like I was never going to make it.
There are people out there that will lend a shoulder, they will help you, hold you, and cry with you. Do now show weakness to people without emotion… Over time yes you will have to get over it you will get stronger I did. In the beginning you are allowed to grieve, its part of the natural process. I say to you this also, if you don’t feel your spouse cared or showed emotion like you did. Well everyone is different but also it may not hit them yet. They also may not choose to show emotions in front of you. For the person leaving you they probably won’t, their job is to be strong they can’t show they miss you because that showed they are having second thoughts. Mark my words though everyone will fell it. Maybe not at first, maybe down the road, maybe years down the road but some day they will see what they lost…
Letting go is going to be your final step, the last stage before you are free. It’s the place where you look back at the time you had and your heart still aches, but it does not bleed. It’s the place where your eyes maybe start to tear up, but you do not cry. I think the only thing harder than actually accepting the truth and moving on is actually looking at that person and feeling nothing… They human heart is a very mysterious organ some say it just pumps blood, others say it’s where your spirit and emotions all lay. Either way there is no pain like a broken heart there is no real cure but time. But there is love, friends, family and most importantly there is hope… Where ever you are in your journey I urge you to keep going strong and yes there maybe times you see pictures or have them up in the house still. What ever helps get you to the point of realizing you do. Just keep in mind the other person maybe already gone and someday they may realize what they lost but that’s not up to you to worry about…Let it go my friends… Just let it go…
I will tell you, however this part is very important and I will mention it many times.
Here is a small story of why I puts this in. My divorce, I didn't walk out with anything. I left with just the small stuff my family got us and the things I brought in. I didn't fight over every nail in the house, but I should have fought more. We got many things for our wedding. There were many things we both just kept and sets she didn't want to split up. Now I don't really have anything nice I could have left with to start my life with. I let to much go...
The other is about our child Quinn. My lawyer didn't look over the parts that were important like dates and times. He reviewed odd area's of raising Quinn. Both him and my Ex said to sign quickly so we don't go to trial. It was one of the worst mistakes I ever made. You read every part! Now because its to late I don't have Quinn on my birthday or her birthday unless it falls on my day to generally have her. I also have to bring her home on holidays and Fathers Day. Yes I don't even get her overnight on my own day. I ask her every year and get a little more time but that's really only it. Your ex will tell you not to worry and you will work together, I hate to say this but maybe, maybe not. If your Ex says they will work off the books then tell them to just add it in because they don't have to keep their word. My ex told me as Quinn got older she would let her stay at my house later and she denied ever saying it.
Make sure you read over all the wording when it comes to your child, it maybe the only time you can have your ex listen. If you don't sign you may have to go to trial but your ex can not do anything until you reach an agreement. So look over the papers, make sure you look over the parts that talk about your child, make sure you split time, and you get the days you want in writing! Also make sure you get to claim her as well. We both claim her, we just rotate years.