"Make sure that what you are doing and striving for is going to be worth any sacrifices you will have to make along the way. If it's a relationship, job, anything in life."

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

A quick hello...

The past few weeks my post have dropped down a little and i wanted to say i'm not leaving you all!  Summer sometimes slows me down and with many things going on with work I have been distracted.  I am sorry and have a lot of post in the works!  Keeping a clean organized house and working two jobs and trying to keep up with my little one and other blogs makes me want to get an assistant!  

So i will jump back in the game soon and be posting more often.  I hope all is well with your summer and i will make sure to explain it all soon!

Just always know you are never alone

Friday, July 20, 2012

and the adventures continue...

Okay so I know when summer comes it gets hot and sticky and it's hard to post but I have been behind in my post so I am sorry!

Last Wednesday I picked up Quinn and got my parents.  I took them out to dinner and we went to the Webster Carnival!  (and daddy forgot his camera.. ugh)  Im sorry!!  Well we had a blast, we played some games and went on the rides.  We had some funnel cake and won some great prizes!  It was so nice just to enjoy this time with my parents I know last trip I brought her alone but I mix it up like you should.  After we hit up some ice cream and headed home.  It was so much fun and she just loved every second of it.  I always loved the Webster Carnival all the people, the sighs and just walking around...

When the weekend came we did our friday Fish fry with Hughey!  Of course.  Saturday we got up and had breakfast and just relaxed for a little.  It was so hot we just stayed in for a little.  We just laid around and stayed cool.  After lunch we headed over to my parents and went swimming next door with Hughey! It was a Hughey weekend...  After swimming we had dinner at my parents they had some friends over and we all just had a great time with great food.  That night we took it easy and just relaxed.

Sunday we went to church because we haven't been in while.  The day was nice but I brought Quinn home early on Sunday, she was having a bad day and just wanted to go home.  We went to the park but I think she just really wanted to go home.  I was sad but i understand, she spends all day with her Mom so I know being with me isn't easy some times.   I try my best but I understand I got her home and just cleaned the house a little and got ready for the week.

Some weekends are better than others, I like the summer I do, but feel sometimes it's just to busy and we do to much.  I feel we cram to much in and only having her so little it gets even harder.  I guess when I can finally dump my other job one day things will slow down... I hope.

Other than that I can't complain!  Quinn is growing up so fast and getting so big.  I can't believe she used to be little, now she is just so big.  Where does the time go I wonder...

I can't wait we have some more adventures coming up and I can't wait to share them!

Down I go!

Here we go!


There's my little girl

Dinner with the rents

Uncle kenny!

Just hanging out...

Here are some pics from the weekend.

Always remember,
You are never alone...

Monday, July 16, 2012

What if you could just go back…

     I know usually on Tuesdays I send out a tip but I've been thinking the past week and when I came up with this post I looked it over and over until I just said I have to post or I never will.  I hope when your done you can take something away from it.  It's not just an old story of my past...

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking this weekend and yes something I would say almost everyone in their lives has though of.  “If I could only go back.”  I know we can’t, and should always move forward but if you could what would you’re re-do be?  When it comes to divorces I would imagine a lot of people wouldn’t have taken that plunge.  I know that couldn’t be mine seeing how we have a child and you should never UN do that if there is another person is involved like a child. 

So as you think of you’re re-do let me tell you mine…  What would I do if I could go back and make a change?

             Well let me set the stage.

  I would go back to my later college/early working years.  Probably around 2005 to early 2006, that year I was just out of college and working at Paychex.  For the first time that is.  I was young and stupid I though I had the world at my finger tips and everything was going for me.  The year had some very good up’s and very tough downs.  I was with a girl that loved me very much and she was a few years younger but all I did was work, live at home and not have a care in the world.  Life was easy, except the fact I loved someone that I couldn’t be with.  The year consisted of just relaxing with one of my best friends, you all know him as Hughey.  We just chilled and did what we needed to do to get by.  He was in the army so he was here and there but he was home mainly the year.  I’m telling you life was easy, we would pick up some beers and stop over friends houses and do drop inns all the time.  We once stopped by a friend’s house one day with a 30 rack me, Hughey and his g/f.  Who at the time was the older sis of he person I was with.  After we headed out and just did what ever live asked. 

Well as time passed me and this special someone drew very close and began to spend more and more time together.  She cared for me on a level people only dream of.  We did dinners and movies and since her sis was one of my best friends seeing her was easy.  Family and friends didn’t understand, I guess they though I was at a different stage.  Which I guess I kinda was.  I was about 24 she was 18.  I know the gap, but a heart wants what the heart wants.  Well anyway we were in love and couldn’t admit it because not many people were routing for us.  As the summer came and went we saw each other a lot and as the seasons changed we grew closer.  As winter came I knew she would be going away to college and realized after I had a great time and that it would be wrong of me to tie her down.  It was then I was out of work and just getting a few hours at my other job I caught up with my now Ex.  She was older and I realized maybe I would be able to settle down.  (This has been my dream since I was a boy, it also is my downfall.)  I never let life just drift I was always am to eager to get into a long serious relationship.  Well after just talking and catching up and some other things that happened, like my buddy and her sister breaking up I decided to try to grow up and move on.  Be with someone older and ready to get serious.  I had to let the girl I was with go and have fun at college, forget me and be her self.  (Another flaw I have, thinking I know what’s best for others and making their decision for them)  So I did something I wish I never did, or at least could have done differently.  I just up and disappeared, I changed my number and just vanished.  I changed it later down the road but gave her some dumb excuse like we just can’t see each other and that she was going to college and has to live life.  (Heroic of me right? No not really).  We did this before a lot but always got back together I tired to break it off but just couldn’t be without her.  I guess I just though I would settle down and for some reason I’ll never be able to tell you why I did what I did except I didn’t know what I wanted and acted because I wanted to rush my life. 

After I started dating my now Ex and though that’s what I wanted.  I got married and we had Quinn all in the span of about 2 yrs.  When I left this girl and started dating my Ex in February of 2006 we went to a party a few weeks later.  I was on the porch and saw the girl who I left so abruptly standing there.  Then, I just though maybe it was weird, but now I feel hurt as I saw her there alone.  Again I though I was on top but like they say “when your on top, the only place to go is down.”  So then well you know the rest.  The divorce came and I sat looking back at my life and realized I left someone who really cared about me for someone who didn’t.  I was with someone who didn’t care about me a 1/1000th as much as the other.  After something happens we look back and go “awweee shitttt”.  I guess that’s just us as humans.  Funny how that goes we never appreciate something till it’s to late or just plain gone.  I even lost her sister in all this because I needed time away and lost contact with her.  I caught up with her but you have to realize when you disappear some won’t go back.  She did, but she grew and had a family and her husband felt I did too much damage to try to show back up like a father after 20 yrs of not caring for his children.  I did write them both a long letter of why I was stupid and did what I though I new I wanted to do.  The both well forgave me but her sister and one of my then closest friends still can’t talk to this day.  Sometimes it’s just too late I guess… 

So as time went on she moved on and the girl and I kept in touch, after I explained how horrible I was and how sorry I was and why I did what I did, we just said hello.  So I guess if I had that time machine I would go back and at least part with a respect.  I would like to say at least try but I have a beautiful girl in my life and altering time is not fair.  For what if our parents went back in time and never had us…   

            I would at least go back and do things right.  I don’t know why I grew up so fast I guess I though what happened to me would never happen.  Then again now here I am with a blog for divorced parents.  I would go back and at least do the right thing.  I would like to say go back and open my eyes to someone who really cared about me but well see about paragraph.  There was only one person in this world that ever called me cruel, and it was me.  I can’t imagine the pain I caused and when talking I know I hurt her extremely bad.  Something I have never done to anyone, I have always had closure and to this day don’t know why I did what I did. 

            As I look at my life there are so many things I can go back and fix or edit or change you are wondering why this. Why this one thing if I can’t even change my path.  If the out come is still having Quinn and this big mess of a divorce why? Why telling this one person I have to let them go, even though when I go back I know for a fact I can’t stay I can’t alter time and just stay and try to work things out…  Because I hurt someone, that’s why.  I can’t go back and fix my divorce that will always happen.  She just didn’t want to be with me there is nothing I can do.  I would still be here today alone but at least I could do the right thing.  So I use my time machine to fix love.  Love, a post I will post about some day…

            So I would go back and try to make wrong right.  I know it may not justify what I still have to do but for someone who treated me better and probably anyone it still is better than the way out I took.  It would be the one thing I would change because I also know it would be one of the hardest things to do.  Sure I can go back change some easier or go left instead of right, or keep that job, or don’t take that one but that’s life.  I feel my arrogance in my youth led me down the path I now am on.  Working so much to afford a failed marriage and support my little one all because I took a path I though would lead me to having a family fast.  Well I say there is something to say and think about when it comes to dating and that’s there is no rush.  I yet to learn to just slow down and take life the way it is.  There is a difference between an Ex, and the one that got away.

            So how do I tell my self now that I get my one back in time ticket that I can’t even use it for its full power and change my life and not leave, or never find my ex.  Well that’s something I can never do for after I go back in time and at least try to show good faith I have to turn and walk away knowing when I come back to the present I sill have a divorce to get through and child to support alone…  Tell me that isn’t the easy way out now.  Should have done it sooner but with time comes forgiveness and they say forgiveness is the final form of love. 

            I wonder how people would use their ticket.  We have to understand in this world how important living in the now is.  Which brings me to my post, we can’t go back everyone.  Time goes forward so don’t waste it or use it unwisely.  Before you do something think about your actions because once done its no point in thinking about them late?  There is nothing you can do but it doesn’t hurt to at least think about something you would change, this shows you wanted to make a difference or make wrong right.  I can not apologize anymore for what I did.  I can not go back and stay and try to be with that special person.  I can only go forward, think about what I did and never do it again.  I guess that is what I would do.  Is there anything in your life you just really would love to go back and see what you could do again or different.  Maybe spend more time with a loved one or parent.  Try to make up with a friend that you don’t speak with, not make a bad decision in your life.

            When I think about my past of course I wonder about lost ones like family that has passed and you may say wouldn’t you want to spend one more day with a family member?  Well of course that goes with out saying.  But I feel death is a part of life and that one more day would be nice.  The thing is trying to write a wrong I feel is still more important especially because there were such strong feelings.  I will see my family that has passed again.  I just would rather not have had to go to my end the way I did things back then.    

            So in the end she turned out to be the girl that got away(maybe, lifes not over yet...),  because I let her go.  To this day I still miss her terribly.  Mainly because I felt we could have had something if only I waited.  I was afraid to get hurt when she went to college and in doing so I ended up hurting her.  I to this day feel we could have worked if only I just relaxed.  I don’t know how or why but sometimes the closer someone get’s the hard I try to make them not work out.  Sometimes I feel my defenses work harder than my offences and in the end that will always ruin things.  If we are to protected and sheltered we will never fully open up and in the end never really feel that amazing feeling like love. 

            I hope this post more than anything made you wonder, think, I hope it made you look back at your life because every life is just as important as the one next to it.  There is no life that is more important or higher up than any other.  Weather you are a movie star and loved by all or someone with out a home that people walk over to get to work.  A life is a life and I hope this post makes you sit down before you go to bed and think about something you would change.  I know we can not, but I hope everyone knows that change is a gift for the present and the present only.  It can not be done in the past because the past if over, and it can not be made for the future because there is no value there.  It is never too late; forgiveness is one of the greatest gifts.  It is the final form of love…
Always Remember,
You are never alone…

“Although I may not know you, I love you.”


So I dedicated this post and  this song to K whom I will always care for but know she moved on like we all do in life...  I guess if I could just say one thing it would be this song...

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

A mid week break

Hello all hope your week is going well!  Here is a mid week break to help get you through!
A double header this week!

Being silly with Uncle Paul!

We had so much fun, Uncle Paul loves me so much!!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Tuesdays Tip: Cleanup

             When Quinn and I are done with something I always encourage her to help clean up.  A very important aspect that we will grow up with an do naturally.  Just ask everyone, friends actually tell me not to worry about the dishes when I’m over!  After we use some toys I talk to Quinn about now starting to pick up and get ready for our next activity.  It will help the grow and realize they can’t just leave the place a mess.  There are no maids that come in and just clean.  Not in my family that is!  I have been caught cleaning her stuff but now that she is older I get her to pick up her things. 

            Cleaning up is very important as you get older your home shows the kind of person you are.  When you walk into a nice clean home you feel safe and secure, you don’t have to look before you sit down or worry about taking your shoes off.  The best thing is, cleaning is not that hard!  We just have to get off our asses and do it!  When I was younger my dad would always tell us to clean the bathroom.  I would complain and go “why?” He always said, “Just shut up and do it” in a neutral voice.  Not mean but stern.  Pretty much saying cause I said so.  Then I would complain more and he would tell me if I didn’t complain it would have been done by now.  Thanks dad!  That got me motivated to really just clean naturally.  As I got older I kept my room pretty clean and tied to help around the house.  It gets easier as you get older but instilling the ground rule of just cleaning is what you really want.  You want to grow up cleaning so you one day have a nice home to show off and have people over. 

            I guess for some people they don’t care, or mind they see things out or dirty and go right to the couch and watch TV.  Every week now I vacuum and dust and pick up.  I keep my kitchen clean every day and do a full cleaning every week or so as well.  Cleaning is a part of life and keeps us healthy and safe.  I started off Quinn with just picking up her toys and now she brings her dishes and helps there to.  I leaned if you make it fun she will want to enjoy it and join in.  Sing a clean up song; believe it or not there are some out there.  If you start small and show them how then asking them isn’t as bad.  Also being on top of it as well and keep reminding them to clean up and that they can’t do their next game until that on is picked up will get them to understand as well.  When Quinn leaves on Sundays I try to clean the house fully so the rest of the week I don’t have to and can just enjoy a clean home after work.  If you take it out side as well they will help you.  For example I was trimming a bush by my mail box and Quinn helped me throw out the clippings.  It was so nice of her to help me put them in the trash and we made it fun. 

            Try not to give treats how ever, once a child does something and gets rewarded they feel they should get that every time.  Be careful with this you don’t want them cleaning up and expecting a treat ever time.  Cleaning up should be because it is just part of life and we have to do it.

            Cleaning up can start early and then as we grow into adults it just becomes natural.  It is something we want to do.  Explain to your child how it is important and easy.  Explain before they take out some toys that we have to pick up later to.  Quinn loves to put her stuff out and play fort and all but I explain it takes a lot of work to pick up and that she has to help if she wants to enjoy them later.   As you enjoy your child give small hints for cleaning up.  You will find it isn’t hard and as they grow up they will thank you.  Believe it or not, we wont let you know because then your right! But we will thank you…

            Cleaning up, very easy and instills a great activity for life.

Always remember,

You are never alone

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Happy 4th!!!

Hello all, I hope everyone had a great 4th of July!  If you had off I hope you enjoyed your day! If you worked I am sorry but hope your company did something fun for you.  I hope everyone remembers why this day is so important and that even tough we tend to live in the “now” we have to remember the “then”.  It was a great day for this single dad.  I stopped over and picked up Quinn around 10:00.  I got out and she was walking with her mom so greeted them and we dropped off her stuff.  This age for Quinn is difficult for me because she asked me to come see her toys and I did to keep everyone happy.  It’s not easy having to go in your old back yard.  I don’t look around to much for I don’t care what upgrades her mom has done or added.  Quinn doesn’t realize it’s hard for me to be there but I play with her to ease coming back to our place.  I saw some of her toys and we then walked back to the front where we finally got moving.  It was almost 10:30 now and we got on the road.  I guess it’s hard because when I drop her off it takes 10 seconds, but when I want to get her it takes for ever.  Just one of those things single dads’s have to deal with. 

We got on the road and went home to relax before out big day.  It was getting hot out fast so we stayed in the first few hours and just relaxed. That afternoon we went over to Hughey’s place where he was and his mom and step dad.  We got to go swimming!  Quinn didn’t stay in the pool as long but she did get in to cool off.  She had fun playing with one of the neighbor’s kids who I know from church.  After we went swimming we hung out and played with some toys and just got ready for dinner!  We had a nice chicken and vegetable dish and some ice cream Sundays for dessert!   Quinn then danced around as we cleaned up and we played with her before it was time to go.

After we got home we hung out for a little then it was off to bed.  I relaxed and just watched some TV as Hughey stopped over and gave me some company.  The day was a hit and the heat didn’t get us!  Friday is suppose to be even hotter!  I’m not looking forward to it.  At least I get to work and work has A/C so that’s a plus!  I have to admit it was a nice day to have off and just relax.  I can’t believe it’s almost half way over the summer!  July will be gone before we know it.  The time just goes by I still can’t believe it.  Over the next several months I have some fun things planned for us.  I don’t have any big vacations planned as of yet only because she is still very little so I’m waiting and saving for that.  I got to have Quinn over night because it was Wednesday and that was cool.  Over all it was a great day and unfortunally the next 4th of  July I have her probably won’t be on my day which is sad because then I only get her from 10-6. As what the agreement says.  Guess I should have looked it over better…  I just wait my time, because my time will come…  

Always Remember,
You are never alone…

Enjoy the pics!

Uncle Hughey!

We had a Dance Party with Mr. and Mrs. Ward!

The girls love to dance!


Monday, July 2, 2012

Some weekends are more difficult than others.

           The weekend was good, but Quinn did give her dad a run for his money!  I don’t know if she was just over excited or if it was the heat or well both but she was definet.  Friday I picked her up and she was upset in the car so we went home to just relax and get out of the heat.  Uncle Pauly came over for a visit, he was in town and got to see her.  Paul is one of my closest friends and Quinns godfather as well. 

           Uncle Paul came over and got to see how big Quinn was.  We sat outside and just relaxed on the porch.  After we took a walk and got some Ice Cream.   Then came back and she went to bed.  Hughey stopped over and we just al caught up and relaxed that night.  Saturday we got up and had breakfast then we were off to the Sandbox for a birthday party!  A co-worker and his wife were throwing a party for their little one.  Briella, she was truing 1!  We went and just had a blast.  Quinn got along with the other kids so well and well she loves the Sandbox so she knew what toys she wanted to play with and wasn’t shy for long….  We had cake and just got to play around.  It was nice to see my old co-workers more and out side of work.  They all work with me but on a different team now.  So I stay in touch but I don't get to see them as much.  There was a nice small group mainly other members of my old team at work who I know very well and their kids.  Quinn and I got home after one big play day and tried to rest.  I tried some of my own tips but she just didn’t want to sleep.  I knew she needed a nap and I knew she would be tied so I tried to get her down.  I tried to let her sleep on the couch, up stairs, I tried everything…  I did get frustrated and told her she needs to rest, but after trying it just felt if I pushed, she pushed back.  Sometimes it’s hard when kids don’t understand what is good for them and when parents know and they don’t then it’s just a constant battle. 

            Well we didn’t nap, and I just tried to press on.  Later that night my Aunt came over and she got to play come game and puzzles with us.  We had a lot of fun and later that night we had a little struggle going to bed.  She wanted to have more ice cream and I had to take it because it was late.  But being tired and over exhosted I feel I took a wrong approach.  Well she couldn’t sleep so I got her and we had one more small bowl and I let her sleep on the couch while I watched some TV.  I though about the fact that I just don’t see her that much and as I looked over at my sleeping angel I just though that a little extra time with Daddy won’t hurt her…

Sunday we got up and had breakfast with my parents and brother.  We celebrated my bothers birthday he had last week.  After breakfast Quinn and I went back to try another nap and well that didn’t go well either.  We tried to nap on the couch, then up stairs but I just think it was so hot we were both having trouble sleeping.  We just ending up laying on the couch staying out of the heat and relaxing that afternoon.  The weekend reached the 90’s and it was just so hot.  I had a window AC unit in my family room but it still hot! 

            Later that day my parents and brother came back over with some cake to celebrate and give my brother some gifts.  My dad and brother and I fixed my wood pile that fell over!  I had to put slabs under the two ends because it sunk and fell.  So after we got that all set and fixed up we headed inside to relax and have cake!  The cake was great and Kenny loved his cards and gifts.  We just hung out in the house for a little and played with Quinn.  After I got her home and then just went back to clean the house. 

            The weekend over all was great, I loved just holding and seeing my little one but she was testing the waters.  There were a few times I had to remind her that she does have to listen and that yes we have fun but there are rules.  I am excited this Wednesday I have her all day because of the Holiday!  Yea!!!  So I don’t have much planned but I’m sure I will find something.  It is suppose to be 91 deg. that day so I will have to find a pool! 

            In closing I would say that yes not every weekend is easy and sometimes the hot weather can make things difficult but you have to remember anytime with your child is time to never take or granted.  Now it’s Sunday and I miss her… L   Don’t’ let frustration get the best of you I know it can be hard.  We work a lot, then find out down time cleaning or getting food for the week or laundry.  It can be hard at times and when frustration gets the best of us we just have to relax and take a break.  Frustration is a part of life and if you combine that with the heat well it’s just a bad combo…  I just fear we do to much in life and that all we do is work and try to keep up with such a demanding world.  As single dads and moms we are put under more stress and pressure.  Just remember some days are better than others.  When I was getting Quinn ready she kept telling me she didn’t want to go to her Mommies but when we got there she didn’t even want to give me a hug goodbye…  Just things I have to adapt to.  I said goodbye and didn’t mind I knew I would see her Wednesday  I also knew she was tied and wanted to rest up.  I am excited for Wednesday I know we will have a lot of fun and have lots planned!  I hope for my single parents reading this they understand we al get frustrated just don’t let it get the best of you.  When life gives you lemons… Make a mixed drink…

Uncle Paul is here to visit!

Just being silly!

Uncle Paul red me a story!

At the Sandbox!

Down I go!

My buddy Kyle and his daughter just hanging out with Quinn.

Here is Pheadra another friend and co-worker with her little one!

Kyle and his wife Kayla and their little one playing on the green bag blanket!

That's my old mentor and friend Erin and her son Sammy.

The Birthday Girl Briella.

Here is Erin, her husband Adam, their son and their niece! 

Here's the Birthday Girl.

Later that day we played with our stuffed animals.

Sunday we had breakfast with my rents and brother.

There's the b-day boy1

Just hanging out.

Here we are!

Watching something on the computer! I'll tell you what soon. :)

Just hanging out...

We had a lot of fun!

As you can tell... She finally was worn out!

And always remember,

You are never alone…