Tuesday, November 13, 2012
Tuesday's Tip: Checking your emotions at the door
This section I plan on working on a lot over my years of blogging. Keeping your emotions in check is something we need to do for any reason. Sometimes single parents have to work harder because they have to drop off and pick up their kids which can be extremely difficult. We also have to see the Mother or Father of our child and the can bring up emotions of sadness, anger or even love sometimes. I look forward to blogging about how to keep our emotions in check over the next few years. I also would love some ideas, or any help so if you read this please let me know some pointers I would love to add them in. I also will give some examples of my life and if you would care to share any please do so we can only help each other by what we know and have experienced...
I will start with the beginning. As a single parent when everything “goes down” we will feel so many different emotions. When I use the term goes down I mean either divorce or separation/break up. The next few months to a year are going to be a rollercoaster and for me it was very difficult. We lived in the same home as well as had a daughter together. I admit I was all over the board; I’ve never been through a divorce and never seen one. If you are living together then I urge you to try to keep your emotions in check. Now being further along in my blog I won’t back track and I am working on getting some information updated on my blog about emotions and going through a divorce up soon. I will start by saying when you move out, or your partner does this is when your emotions will go in different directions. When I first moved out I was a little bit of everything. I had a new place, my ex and I were getting along, I had Quinn that first weekend, and things weren’t bad. Then however when I had to bring her home, I realized I was alone in this place all by my self. I got lonely and very sad fast. I called my ex a lot or talked to family and the first few months were just extremely difficult.
I was having a hard time keeping my emotions checked at the door and often would get Quinn and be sad or upset because I wasn’t used to only seeing her for such a short period of time. It was very hard I won’t lie, what I found saved me were a few different things.
1) Time: I am sorry but it just takes time. As time goes on you will learn how to deal with not seeing your child as much. I really hate to say that because it is awful but you adapt. Never fully but for the most part you do. You start to realize the time you have is very precious and you find great projects and adventures to do and go on.
2) Family: Visit family and friends and keep busy by enjoying the company of others to keep your mind busy
3) Work: Find a second job or volunteer. You may need too, I had too.
4) Keep busy: Clean your place, go out and see people. Do things on your free time to keep busy and enjoy your free time.
5) Have Faith: If you have a religious setting in your life lean on it. If not, just have fait that things will get better. Be positive, if you have a person of faith in your life call and meet with them. They will be very helpful.
There are others and I will add them over time. I am sorry in the beginning it will be hard and because of this your emotions may over flow and you will start to show them to friends or family, your ex or even at work. I felt the biggest was just time, as time goes on you will grow stronger and adapt. Pretty soon you will be getting your child and on your way. I will admit you never really master emotions, when I pick up Quinn it can be hard. I see the home I put a lot of time effort, work and even money into. My ex and I didn’t work out but sometimes we laugh and joke with Quinn when I get her and knowing we will never be a couple again sometimes I leave heavy hearted. There were good times before all this happened. I usually just take a deep breath and move on. Take Quinn home and get ready for the weekend. Call a friend and have dinner, watch a movie and just hold my daughter. When I bring her home sometimes I will go to church when it’s empty and pray. Sit and listen to the stillness of the room as I close my eyes and gather my thoughts. My family says we can only move forward, I say you’re right, but it doesn’t always have to be easy…
I look forward to making more installments of this section as well as adding to the main part of my blog that I am currently working on. For now I encourage you to please be calm and relaxed. Don’t show your emotions in front of you child for they will catch up on them and we need to be strong for them, they are our future.
Whoever you are and wherever you maybe, if you are reading this please always know…
You are never alone…