Since the month of august is child support awareness month I wanted to share some things this month I went through and what has helped me. When you first get the word you will have to pay child support it is hard and scary. Some states are different than others but in the end you will have to give a percentage of your income to help support your child if they are living with the other parent. Unless you work it out so you don't pay or split the child typically yes you will be paying. Now what that money goes to is to help the child. However good use or not it is hard to hear how much you might be spending. You might be moving out and needing to find a new place of your own as well as when your have your child you have to support them as well so you might feel double taxed because it is hard. Then there is the factor of you might make less than the other person and now feel very stressed or you may make a lot more than the other person and they may have this feeling. If one person makes more than the other it will be hard.
Other factors can hurt such as control, like who wants it and all that. So what can you do, well here are some tips that might help. I could have used them that's for sure.
1) Figure out how much will be taken out of your check and see if you will be able to live on this. Do all the math and see, you may have to work a second job, figure out if you want to do this. Remember depending how old your child is too. If they are young do you want to work two jobs forever?
2) Compare how much your ex makes to you. Are you going to be living in poverty after you pay child support and all your expenses but they are making good money plus your check? Try to talk to them and let them know it will be hard on you and the child too. Reason and just let them know this will really be hurting you and if there is something that can be worked out?
3) If talking doesn't work speak to your lawyer. Remember if you are both good parents the courts has to listen to you. Not one parent has it better. Tell your lawyer you would like other options like more custody (which is a good thing anyway seeing your kids more). See what else you can do. It is ok to split up but one parent shouldn't financially suffer because of it. Times are hard as is, a child support check can really cripple that parent.
4) Sit down and see what you can do to save or make money. Work a second job, cut cost look for a roommate in your place. Do what you can and be creative if you need to be. Remember don't let this ruin you, stand tall and work around it.
5) This is most important, do not be a jerk! If you have to pay, PAY! The courts do not like not seeing payments!! I have paid every time on time! Very important a good track record will be your best defense! Courts like seeing you pay on time if an issue comes up you can say I have a great track record and they will see and understand this!
Bonus* Know there are so many others but here are 5 to start plus one bonus. I will do more maybe later this month. If you pay by check and the money is not taken out of your acct. Pay with a cashiers check/bank check. The money comes out of your bank account so you don't have to wait for them to cash it, also you get a slip you can safe and show proof. Keep the slips in a safe place and date each one.
I know this is a hard topic but its important. Paying child support is what we have to do and yes we hope the money goes to the child and not other things not needed. It's hard my ex makes a lot more than me. She is remarried and the both now do extreamly well. Kayla and I don't make that much so its frustrating we we just see all the things Quinn has at her Mom's. I get upset sometimes and feel she has to much. I just hope my money is going to a good use. I guess a tip I would give my self is ask.
Ask the other person what they are doing with your money. I know easier said than done but it might not hurt. I may try it one day, if money comes up. She probably won't tell me but it might be nice to know if she is saving it for school or whatever. We just hope they do good with it. Also remember the more children you have the more you probably be paying. Sorry spoiler*
I hope this post helped and remember the money is suppose to be in good use. If you feel it's not call your lawyer. If they use child support in a bad way they can get in trouble. I have heard of stories of people getting in trouble for not spending the money correctly. It is suppose to go to certain things. How to prove this can be tricky. Guess a lot is we have to have faith...
Just take a breath and hug your kids when you see them... That's what I do...
You are Never Alone...