"Make sure that what you are doing and striving for is going to be worth any sacrifices you will have to make along the way. If it's a relationship, job, anything in life."

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

Tuesday's Tip: Making sure your heart is topped off with Coolant Fluid

     Just about a week before Labor Day I went to pick up Quinn, I started talking to her Mom about Labor day and when I could pick her up.  It was never set in the paperwork but the past about 2 years her Mom had her Memorial day and I took her Labor Day.  I only got her for the day too not even over night.  Well her Mom told me that we didn't talk about Labor day ahead of time and she already made plans.  Well we did better than some talks we had, at least we keep it nice.  I did ask her who would be more important than Quinns father to make plans over?  She didn't love that but I didn't mean to be mean.  It was a week before and she can just alter the plans so her father, who didn't have her Memorial day can have her on Labor day.  Well a few days later I emailed her to just kindly say what the story was and she said that next year we will just have to be in better communicaion.  I replied with an agreement but couldn't help but feel upset. 

     I always tell peple to pick your battles and let most go.  I do, I don't see Quinn nearly as much as her mother, and some of her family members even...  But..  I let it all go.  I guess I was upset becuase I never gave her a lot of advanced warning because usually a week or so is good, but what upsets me is that I'm a single father trying as hard as I can to give my daughter a good life and show her that he Dad is there.   There are so many single fathers that show up here and there or years later step in.  From day one i was there.  I guess i was upset becuase when the papers for the divorce were being looked at I wanted memorial day and Labor day in the papers.  Quinns Mom asked me to just leave them out and that we would work together.  Against my gut feeling I did, I guess I was wrong.  Now come next year I will hope we will figure this out sooner and maybe it will be fine, but for this year, she got her both days and I got nothing.  I just wanted to post some tips but add I'm not venting or trying to make it seem I never see Quinn or here Mom is doing something wrong.  I am just well venting because I love being a Dad...  So what do you do...

     Well you check your coolant fluid... No not in your car!  In your body, you keep it cool and don't get upset.  Yelling or sending mean eamils will not get you anywhere, going to your lawyer might but then you have to all get that set and honestly after emails and letters it will drag out and the day you wanted will be over.  A few things I do is, I know Quinn will have more holidays, I will plan next year to be ready and email her Mom to talk about them.  Also just be the best Dad I can, when Quinn get's older she will have the right to see either one of us when ever she wants so don't upset her now when she is little.  Just adapt and work around it.  Getting a good coolant system takes time, yes I boiled over before, but it just takes time.  Please do your best to keep your anger under control.  If you feel something is really not fair, then call your lawyer and check. 

     I think just what upset me the fact that the two most import people in a childs life are her parents, and if you made an agreement on or off paper no matter what it is you should look back and see when you had them and maybe adjust for the other parent.  Did her Mom have her Memorial day, yes.  Would the right thing to do move your outing with your friend so the child can see her father, probably.  How ever I can't force anyting and do not need a fight or yelling.  Let the child not know your frustration and just let it go.  Make up for lost time in the future but don't forget how you are treated and don't punish the other parents if the tables turn but don't forget it either.  Maybe one day I'll have Quinn and her Mom will want her, will I have plans and not break them?  Honestly I don't know, but this event doesn't help...  It is okay to live by the words, "forgive, but never forget".  It keeps us strong and allows us not to be walked on. 

     I know seperation of a family is a terrible thing but some people are just not meant to be.  Keep your cool and just work around it.  Don't let it happen again and be ready for the next time.  Next year in the spring I will just talk to her Mom and see what the deal is, that's all.

Always remember,
You are Never alone...

No comments:

Post a Comment