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Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Tuesday Tip: Controlling your Angle when they become Demons…

            So if you saw my post about the weekend update you would have heard my little angel lost her halo…  Come Sunday she was well to say indepentdant would be a polite way.  I know at her age she just learning what they can do and sometimes get a way with, it sometimes drives me crazy.  Although Quinn is a great kid, everyone can lash out here and there.  She was just mainly not listning, or talking back, she wouldn’t go down easily but that’s why it’s a learning experience. 

            First when dealing with a child that is upset know they could be tired and to check what time it is and try to get them down for a nap or bed.  Other tips I’ve learned and heard about are as follows. 

1)    Always keep you’re cool, you are allowed to be stern and even raise your voice but don’t let them see or know you are just really upset or angry.

2)    Use time outs and put them in their room.  Keep them there till they cool down and stop screaming.  After a while they will, tell them they will be up there until they are done being upset.  Make sure they don’t lots of toys in their room, you don’t want them to have access to all their stuff.

3)    Keep going up every couple minutes to just listen, go in if you have to but do check on them but give them time. 

4)    Getting them to say on their beds for their time outs, or designated spots can be tricky but you can always try.

5)    Be stern, you have to let them know you are serious and mean business.  They will walk all over you if you laugh or just let them get what ever they want.  If they are in time out for a reason, they need to know this. 

6)    I don’t really get into spanking it is although effective, it will make a child really know you mean business it can be avoided by just continuing to keep them in their time out zone.  I was spanked as a child a few times and looking back I can remember I deserved it…  But its your call, you’re the parent, just don’t pull the belt off or make them look like a blueberry when your done!  They are not an exit for anger...

7)    Visit and see how they are doing, if they seem calm explain why they are up there and talk to them.  Let them know if they are being bad again you will put them back no questions asked.

8)    When they are ready to come back down and join you and the group hug them.  Tell them you are going to go back down stairs and let them know its over.  Explain what they did wrong again and why it is bad. 

9)    If you are out tell them you will leave and give them one or maybe two warnings.

10)  If they do not stop, do not keep warning them.  Follow through, go home, or take a way a privilege.  I know it can be so hard but they need to know you will not be walked over.  If you say last time, that means LAST TIME.  How ever before you make a threat think, don’t make one you really do not want to carry out.  You don’t want to ground them from an event they really want to go to and you get mad in the heat of the moment.  If you do however, you must carry it out.  The minute you cave the minute you loose.

Sometimes you can talk to them and go back.  When I was growing up I can remember my parents telling me I was not allowed to go someplace because of how I acted.  Later that night we talked and I was allowed to go the next day.  It was a very special event and I am so glad they did change their mind.  So in the end it just takes getting used to this whole punishment thing.      

Now I would never tell a parent what is bad or now, those rules are up to the parent, all I can say is don’t let your child get a way with to much.  On the other hand don’t put them in time out for the small stuff as well.  You’re supposed to be the cool parent, or the executioner they fear…  Use good judgment please.  Remember this age is very critical; kids want to push you to the limit.  They will be short with you, and test what they can do.  Quinn has been sucking her thumb for a while now and I have been having her not do it as much, I won’t let her do it at all if we are out or if she is downstairs with friends and family over.  I also make her not do it when we are getting ready for bed. 

Kids do it for comfort but what they don’t know is that it can ruin their teeth and jaw bone.  Her dentist told us that she is bending her actual jaw bone so she will need braces when she is older.  I do however see her put her thumb by her mouth or try to do it under a blanket.  I will check her and she will give me a teenager response like “I’m not Dad!”  Although sometimes it’s funny to see how fast she grew up but I do often put the hammer down because it is in her best interest to not do it.  That is what parents are for.  I love being a good and fun Dad, but I am a single Dad so I have to be strict and protect her as well.  Sometimes I get upset when Quinn trys to play or order me around.  If her drink is out or if she needs something she will advise its out and look at me like I have to go get it.  I remind her to please ask, and always use good manners, please and thank you’s.  Manners are very important and if you grow up using them you will say them without even thinking.  I do not want Quinn to grow up thinking she gets what ever she wants.  You have to work hard in life and there are times yes parents and family will spoil her.  You have to understand the difference between a treat and everyday life.  I will blog about this later…

Always remember you were once little and now your children are growing up testing the waters like you once did.  Be patient and calm with them, if you show anger they will know this and the last thing you want is your child to be afraid or scared of you. 

As for Quinn, we made it through the weekend and had a few bad moments but using my knowledge and lesions I have learned we pushed though.  Next time your child gets out of control try some of these techniques…          

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