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Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Tuesday's Tip: Taking and Returning Toys because of Punishment

     Over time we have had different ways of trying to teach Quinn that if she doesn't listen or gives problems that counting to 3 isn't enough.  We haven't put her in time out mainly because she now is getting older and at the age she is at taking away toys for a time frame is working.  We started this a while ago and at first it was hard because after a few warnings we would take a few toys and this would only make her even more upset.  Over time of taking a toy or two for a day and returning after she was more behaved graduated to taking a few toys and giving them back over time.

    A few weeks ago we took about 8 barbies because she was acting up and was warned.  She was upset but then moved on and as time went on we would giver her back two.  This past week she was very good and we gave back another two.  I explained that she can't ask when she will get them back that she just has to wait and be good.  The more she ask when she will get them back the worse her case is I explained.  A little over a month ago we took her TV and DVD player out of her room.  Mind you she doesn't have cable its just a TV with DVD player for her movies.  She was acting up to an extreme and we just felt she has been taking things for granted.  Since this occurred she has been much better and has not asked for it.  We plan on giving this back, however not for a while and if she continues to not show she needs it.  So this past weekend we gave her two barbies and said she has been very good, she has been getting ready without trouble in the morning and not whining when we ask for something.  We also said we were happy she moved on and didn't ask about them all the time.

     She understood and was very happy not only to get her toys back but showing she was growing up.  So here are few tips for you parents I think might work!

     1)  Wait for your child to be a bit older before you take toys.  Time outs work best for younger children.

     2)  Explain that you will be taking a toy or few toys away if they do not continue to listen or behave.

     3)  You can start by taking the toys away for the day and see how that goes.  The first time you do this they probably will freak out and plead.  You need to stay strong and just keep them from screaming.  Maybe put them in their room.

     4)  As this punishment starts to work remind them they will loose toys for longer period and they can not keep asking when they will get toys back.

    5)  When you take toys, hide them and keep moving on.  After they relax do something else but also explain always why toys were taken.

    6)  After time goes on and you feel they have been good give back a toy or two explaining they have been good and they get part of them back.  Explain why you did this again and why they are getting toys back.  Remember giving toys back isn't fully a reward its more like the punishment is over or part over.

    7)  If they show gratitude thank them and tell them they are on a great track to get the rest back.  Also remind them you can still take them back if problems occur.

    8)  After you give all the toys back advise this so they know.
    9)  Remind them that we take away toys not because we are mean, but we need them to help us and not give us issues.  They need to grow up to and even though they are young good habits start now.

    10)  Most important, remember they are kids too, punish them when needed please do not just take away toys because they aren't perfect.  Everyone has different rules and standards but the big ones are getting ready, listing and just not throwing fits.  Take it easy on them too, they are still growing and you don't want to look at your self and just see someone punishing a little person because you can.

       Always remember to explain why you took some toys and why you are giving them back.  Make sure they listen to you as you explain this, don't let them get distracted by the toys coming back.  If they hear what happened and why they will understand.  I hope the following tips help, they have been very effective for us!

If you have any tips of your own let us know!

Always Remember,
You are Never Alone...



  1. I can see where you have developed a strategy that may work for you. However, I do have some concerns. My major concern is that this is a punishment system, and that alone says it is based in negativity, not positivity. I would advocate a strengths-based approach to child rearing. That is not to say that everything is based on rewards - but rather than talking about punishment, which you use in your article a number of times, think in terms of consequences, which can be more neutral and logical.

    Good parenting is the toughest job in the world. Kate and I offer help in our book "Great Parenting Skills (GPS) for Navigating Your Kid's Personality" available at http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_0_22?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=great+parenting+skills+for+navigating+your+kid+s+personality&sprefix=great+parenting+skills%2Caps%2C623

    1. Wayne,
      Thank you very much for the comment. After reading what you said I understand and talking with my wife, (Quinns step mom) we thought of ways to post about what you explained.
      You are right good parenting is the toughest job sometimes i feel my daughter is just testing me 24/7! I will take a look at your site/book thank you for the help again!