It can be so hard when your child has two households to go to, each has different rules or guidelines. Maybe the anger of the divorce still slips though and comes out. We still have to parent and not get walked over, but also have to let them be kids. I can't tell you my fellow parents that share your kids how hard it is. Sometimes it's the frustration of not seeing your child as much, or the fact that yes you want them to be good in public or not to grow up spoiled. I tell Quinn when i get mad because she wont clean up, "who is going to clean up your place one day?" Smart ass answered, "You Daddy, you are going to come over and clean while I sit" Ha! Good one kiddo I say. Now I don't want Quinn to get a job tomorrow and start working, however there are ground level skills she needs to know and do like listening and starting to do chores. The more she does the easier they will come. I don't love cleaning but I'm so thankful my parents instilled cleaning because now we do it. We like living in a clean home so Kayla and I are always cleaning but also clean more on Sundays.
I can tell you Quinn and I fought and then it was time to send her home. There is no harder pain then not seeing her a few days after a fight. It's horrible, so what can we do? Well not making a list of do's and don't but here are some tips I try to use and will try harder on.
As your child get's older, if the share a home with you or not. Start to have them do chores like picking up their toys. Cleaning up after them selves is a great start for responsibly. Be kind and instill this but also mean it when you have to repeat this action. Tell them eventually you don't want to have to tell them and they should be doing it out of habit. With things like this being done give them more room! Once they start showing they are growing up a big give them time to spread their wings. As parents we just try to keep the peace. When Quinn hangs out with kids I usually tell her to share and play nice, also to keep it down as best she can. However I usually let a few loud noises go because you can't run in screaming at them or they will feel they can't do anything. You don't want that. Let them be kids and let some energy out! Go to places like parks where they can let go and just run and play and yell and jump. Show them quiet places and places to let go.
It takes time yes but also know don't jump to getting upset. You can't turn you child into one that sits quietly all day and doesn't say a word. There kids, they need to release that energy we all want! Trying for them to understand when it is ok to is our job. Yes we have a lot to do but we can do it, were parents! Let me tell you I would love to go back to the days of running down the street to a pick up ball game or just down to a friends house to do nothing. Now I work, and work and work and maybe sleep... Let them not worry or think about what your life is and never push stress onto them. Let them enjoy their youth! However make sure they know right and wrong too. So as I go forward I will still instill that there are rules but also let Quinn be a kid, I want her to have fun at our house and know she is happy and wanted there.