There is a very good quote I actually heard from one of my favorite shows Dr. Who, Clara said on the show she heard this. "Hatred is to strong of an emotion to waste on someone you don't like." When I boils down to it we say we hate bad people like killers or people that do evil but we use that term in general. However to point out one person who you actually know and can say you know personally then say you hate them, well just feels like you can move your energy toward move important things. Being a divorced Dad I can assure you people in my shoes want to hate their ex's. Especially since we still have to work with them and the struggle can be difficult. Having an Ex you can break free from with out a child is one thing, you can never see them again. However having an ex you have to split from then see regularly is a new story. The struggle of who does what with the child if the two work together or not are all factors. Being a Dad that wants to be involved I feel I do fight the good fight.
Over the past few years there were some times things were good and times things were not. I thought I did hate my ex for everything I have been having to do since the divorce. I then realized I shouldn't be mad at her but me. For I was the one that didn't have things changed in the decree when I could have. However what I go through as a Dad working with my ex still will never put me in a place to hate her. It isn't easy knowing I don't see our daughter as much and I try, or paying child support to her Mom when her Mom and new husband make very good money. I do it because its my job, granted I hate working late or having to have to work around money issues if they come up but I found if I hate her its just burning out valuable emotions I can be spending on our daughter.
I have heard people in person say how they hate someone, they may have said it out loud our quietly however its all the same emotion. It was jus blind anger, it hurts to hear epically if you know both people and both are good people. What I do say to you all is don't hate, you want to be angry with someone that's fine maybe someone did you wrong. However think long and very hard before you say the words Hate. The word is very powerful and will consume you. I found if you hate someone you will just go deeper and deeper into a hold of anger that can be near impossible to get out of. The longer you carry this anger and hate around the more it builds up and starts to show. The human body can only hold in so much especially when it comes to emotion.
Is everyone going to get along with everyone, no however we need to learn how to let things go and not carry our anger. Anger will only lead you to other emotions like rage, jealousy, guilt and then you will just carry a grudge. Once this all simmers and a grudge is born you will never be the same until you can free your self from all that.
So when it comes to things like our Ex's or family or fiends that upset us don't hate them. Work with them. When I think about things to come and events with my Daughter I think a head and try to work with my ex. Do we still bump heads? Of course it happens but we try to just talk and take a few days then we go back to being normal.
My advise to all my readers especially ones with kids and ex's is to let go of your anger and work on the futures and the present state you are in. Breath deep, think ahead and talk to someone, your new spouse, family, friends or professional help. Don't waste your time on anger, use the energy to be with your loved ones or kids and push all the energy into them in a form of love and support.
Remember we all get upset, just don't water that seed and let it grow into anger.
You are never alone...