"Make sure that what you are doing and striving for is going to be worth any sacrifices you will have to make along the way. If it's a relationship, job, anything in life."

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

Tuesday's Tip: A Single Parents Hardest Struggle...

  As I start my tips out ever week I wonder how I can help my fellow parents out.  No matter what family situation you are in.  I sometimes gave a little more advise for single parents jus because that is where I was and even now remarried the struggles are there working with my ex.  As I started this Tip I wanted something meaningful, deep even hard to open up to the world.  I don't have a list of tips today but more over just want to talk to you all about what it is to be that single parent and what we go through...

     When I first moved out I worked a lot, two jobs about 70 hours a week.  I looked so think you could count my bones.  Kayla says when she see's pic's of me I looked like I had cancer.  Well as I progressed and moved second jobs and worked less I settled down and started spending more time with family friends and just enjoying life and not working so much.  Well now that my life isn't just my daughter and work there is more a struggle because I didn't make as much as I did, well when I worked my life away...  Its better to, however as my dated and they sold his house and the house my ex and I lived in and bought a very nice one in very wealthy area well things get gritty I guess to say the least.  Still working a lot Kayla and I try to provide everything we can for Quinn however as a parent that splits up time epically with an ex that well does work with me but nothing out of the ordinary.  I won't give all examples because its not a complain fest I want to just tell you that yes its so hard paying an ex child support when you leave knowing they really don't need it at all.  You hope they are saving it for later use for the child and HOPE. 

     However if your child acts up or you start to feel they are not grateful for all they have be clam and know they are moving between two homes.  Sometimes I can't help but feel we are moving to fst as a society and technology, forget it!  Kids don't want toys unless they are electronic, or can download.  So like it has happened to me and poor Kayla who tries to referee Quinn and I because we are alike!  Keep your cool, don't say anything hurtful.  There is nothing worse than arguing with your child and having to bring them home that day.  You will leave in tears because you won't see for a while.  Like I said last post Quinn and I argued this weekend because mainly she was just not cooperating when she said she would earlier.  There is a difference between being funny bad, and just screaming bad.  It wasn't funny bad.  

     However I want my parents and single parents to read this.  Never bring your child into your pain.  You may feel behind the 8ball all the time but after we cooled down Quinn took me aside and apologized to me and I back.  Kayla also does the best talking to her.  For my single Dad's I do say meet a nice girl they do wonders Kayla puts our more fires than a firefighter!  Getting back to my tip you and I mean me to, need to keep it cool.  As they get older the will retain more and fighting and asking for forgiveness gets harder.  Now we still fight with our parents its ok it happens but we need to learn not to vent and argue so its not like this all the time.  Learn how to punish them for example maybe not saying you will take something away per they might go further into their fit. 

Now don't let them just get away with anything but don't add fuel to the fire right away.  I am also trying to practice what I preach.  Just I know how you feel and when I say you are not alone, you aren't.  It sucks there are ex's that just want the power and all the time, they say the share but it doesn't show.  When your child grows up keep the faith in them and they will see the truth.  Holidays can be hard especially with bills, child support, and buying toys.  Trust me, Quinn once opened up the same toy 3 years in a row!  I was just that short on money when I first left.  Candy land, yes she got it 3 times for Christmas, the same box too!  I hang her stocking which is plain and pink and tell Kayla I got it for $1.  Now we are doing better however I tell her it reminds me that once things were tight and that's all we had and could afford.  I use my stocking back from when I was a kid too!   We do what we can people and never be embarrassed.  Be proud of where you are and remember where you came from.

     Always know how hard it gets to now let that anger boil over into your child's ears.  Nothing is harder than when you and your Ex kinda work together or not at all, when you pay her the support and they are very well off, or when you just miss them and know your ex see's them so much more.  Make the memories you have with them good and they will remember!   

One of my hardest Tips because I experience it as well and I could go on but know that you need to be there more than anything.  Yes your family can babysit and your child needs to see all your family but be there and show your support.  You child will see how much you are trying, an instinct they have.   

Always Remember,
You are never alone...



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